A Letter to the Girls

Remember the boys your mama warned you about?

Watch out. They’re everywhere.

And sometimes, you’ll find them in the most unexpected places. You might stumble upon a well-spoken charmer at a social function who is intelligent, witty and tells you, quite certainly, in fact, that you’re not like other girls (and you immediately blush, because you know he is right). Or that you remind him of his mother, “and that’s a good thing.”

Or maybe it’s the quiet guy you meet in a bookstore that insists he’s “really, quite shy” and inexperienced, and wants only to watch the sunset/gaze at the stars with the woman he loves at his side.

Hell (no pun intended), you might even find them in your church. (These ones are especially dangerous.)

Disclaimer: Don’t be fooled. At least not yet. A very good friend once warned me, during my most idealistic dating phase: “Everyone’s nice at first.” Indeed. Let a person prove their mettle before you entrust your oh-so-fragile heart into their hands for safekeeping.

And one more bit of advice: When he tells you his previous relationship was flawed? And that his ex was not good enough/smart enough/pretty enough? My friends, let that be your proverbial red flag. At that point, smile, shake his hand and tell him, “It was nice to meet you.” And know in your heart that you will simply be a case of history repeating. As much as you want to believe that you are different, that you are better/smarter/prettier, in his eyes, eventually, you will not be.

If/when this happens, and you find your once-intact sense of self worth reduced to a mess of shattered glass at your feet, remember, my warm-hearted female friends: You are NOT like other girls. We are all different shades of good, intelligent, beautiful. It is not you who is flawed.

Go, be on your way. Be you. Because you are awesome.


5 thoughts on “A Letter to the Girls

  1. I’ll bite. All of the things you said above could also be true. I would say the better judge is your intuition. If you feel a hint of lack of authenticity or build up of their story the better approach is to say, “You know you seem like someone I’d like to know, but I’m feeling that …” and state the concern. Most people will fall flat when faced with directness.

    Here’s another more scientific approach. A lie is difficult to sequence backwards. Have them tell you the story, dig for details and then state your concern. Once stated, ask them to tell the story in reverse order. You’ll find the gamers will walk away and the real ones will laugh and call it a challenge. Then you need to listen to the details. Details will fall out of sequence.

    Just some thoughts that might save you from missing out on a good one, just because he is shy, or had a bad relationship and could not effective communicate why. That’s my two pennies 🙂

  2. Sing it, sister. The guys who don’t play games and drag you up and down their “relationship rollercoaster” DO exist! Don’t waste your time on the ones who don’t respect you.

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